The Sun writes…

TOP Gear star Richard Hammond has plunged into depression after cheating death, a pal revealed yesterday.

The BBC presenter, known as Hamster, is struggling to keep his spirits up after his horror crash, he said.

Yesterday the friend said: “The euphoria of surviving seems to be replaced by the shocking realization of how close he came to death. He’s putting on a cheery face but in reality he has got the black dog, he’s rather down.”

Also fellow presenter James May said Richard has been suffering memory lapses since the accident, though docs are confident that will improve in time.

James said: “He’s not better, even with the best will in the world, but his prognosis is very good. We just have to wait.”

Richard has delighted doctors with his recovery from his 288mph smash five weeks ago. But the true impact of the accident in a jet-powered dragster is now starting to sink in.

Richard, 36, has now been told he cannot work until January at the earliest.

And he has also been forced to put the brakes on his dream house move.

He and his wife Mindy, 35, had been eyeing up a £1.5million property.

They planned to move with their two daughters Izzy, five, and Willow, two, to Oxfordshire.

They had earmarked a converted barn near Burford close to where fellow Top Gear host and Sun columnist Jeremy Clarkson lives.

Estate agents confirmed their current £695,000 home near Redmarley, Glos, was “99.9 per cent sold”.

But the pal revealed they have frozen the deal for six months while Richard recovers.

The pal said: “He is very disappointed but it’s simply the wrong time to be going through any upheaval. He has decided to play it safe.”

Earlier this week it was revealed Hammond has been given a £2million ‘golden handcuffs’ deal by the BBC.

…Okay, no we won’t, but we’re at least one step further to doing so, cracking show by the boys yesterday. Granted it resembled more of a WWE Pay Per View than a football match at times but that’s fine.

Above is a picture taken by a good pal of mine, and fine male-beast in general, Adi - who you may notice comments from time to time on some of my delightful posts. He’s said I can only use it if I’m nice enough to plug his new website, which is A-OK with me, so make sure you do a clickly all over http://www.generaladi.co.uk/ whenever you get a moment, I know it’s gonna be quality.

There’s me, the host and owner of this mighty-fine bloggy-like place, looking good wouldn’t you say? Just to my right is Tiny, who is a total hot crumpet. She’s eating a hot pie, though. Not quite as sexy!!

I’ve decided, football is far too harsh a game. Why do you build me up just to let me down, we ask of the sport, so many a time.

Manchester United beat Crewe tonight but needed 90 minutes and almost all of extra time to do it, with United scoring with just penalty kicks just 90 seconds away.

United showed relative respect to the competition by fielding a strong team which included Thomas Kuszczak, Wes Brown, Mikael Silvestre, Gabriel Heinze, Kieran Richardson, Alan Smith and Ole ‘legend’ Solskjaer, but Crewe pretty much dominated them.

I seem to recall I’ve waxed lyrical about Crewe before once this season [I have you know, click here if you don't believe me] and I really can’t put my finger on why they aren’t doing better than they are currently in League One, they really belong in the Championship. Perhaps it’s Luke ‘get out of my way little girl or I’ll hit you with a firework, allegedly’, Rodger’s fault?

Oh yeah – Tim Lovejoy should NEVER be given another presenting job on mainstream football for Sky Sports again, he was awful tonight. He even announced that Southend had been drawn at home to Crewe rather than ManYoo. What a ‘tard.

Sky News writes:

A wild bear beat a humbling retreat after attacking three racehorses.

The trio were on a practice run when they were set upon in central Sweden.

Trainer Bjorn Johansson was putting the horses through their paces on a country road near Ransater when the bear charged them from behind. He was thrown to the ground as they tried to defend themselves.

“I think I broke a few ribs. It was total chaos,” he said.

However, the horses kicked furiously at the bear, which limped into the forest with a broken leg.

One of the horses suffered a few cuts, but did not appear badly injured….

Actually, speaking of prisons and stuff (see below), I read the rather amusing story today about a man who lived in Detroit over in the US.

He’d gained a heck of a reputation, for smashing shop windows to grab female mannequins. That’s one heck of a fetish!

Even more hilarious was the incident that broke the camel’s back after more than 13 years of this erotic pursuit, he broke into a cleaning-supply company to get at a mannequin in a black and white French maid’s uniform! Imagine the stench!

“Mr. Dotson went to prison and they haven’t helped him,” said one chap. Oh really? Rather sadly, he’s now under psychiatric examination. More the pity, the guy sounds like a legend.